December 1980: The Great Gallivanting Papa Hullabaloo invites all and sundry to participate in his thrice annual Scaremongering Festival. No one turns up. In a fit of rage he captures two nearby scallywags, and locks them in a cage. One of these miscreants wears a fake beard and crown; the other is completely bald. August 1981: Fashioning the beard-wig into a makeshift key, the pair manage to flee from the ogre, but the bearded-one is captured again, and locked up in the cage once more. The bald man escapes to the hills, and is seen heavy with child. September 1981: The bald man, now much thinner, runs back to save his pal; the whereabouts of his offspring are unknown. March 2003: Over twenty-one years later, residents of the East Neuk of Fife report sightings of a bearded pot-bellied pigmy, guitar in hand, with a penchant for mad-cap folky nonsense, soft melodic meandering, and custard creams. Under the moniker 'The Pictish Trail', this man has been known to stun crowds with his dazzling inability to tune his guitar properly. There have also been eyewitness accounts, in the St Andrews area, of his supreme rock talons as front-man for The Prince William's Golf Band. The Pictish Trail - 'the bastard son of Bako and Creosote'.